I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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