We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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