If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
