She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
