I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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