So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Randomize
