she woke up with a sticky ear
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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