I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
