My balls are so social today.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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