Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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