The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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