i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
