Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
