FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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