I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize