Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's rum buckets o'clock
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
