i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
