A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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