Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
