i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
