I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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