finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize