she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
