doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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