Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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