new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
