I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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