I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
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