hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
