Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
