Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
