The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
