Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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