is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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