Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize