You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
