...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
