Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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