so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
