if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
