i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
