I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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