On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
