Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
