i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
