So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I am one with the molecules
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We are all done wearing pants today
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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