I'm going to jail i love you
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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