Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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