I hope mine doesn't look like that
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
