how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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