I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
