Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize