ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Randomize
