im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
did you just send me my own nude
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
