All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
