I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
