5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I have post one night stand depression
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