At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
