would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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