i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
