Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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