she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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