Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Sorry my hands just texted you
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize