Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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