I just saw a hot homeless man
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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