So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
