Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
