I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
