So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Hippo gnu deer
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
