drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
