She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
