I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
