3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
