Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
