i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
