Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
