real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
