You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
