I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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