and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
