Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
