Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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