I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Success! We fucked roommates!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
